Excerpts from a 25th Wedding Anniversary Speech

Isn't this fun?
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Mom and dad, being on your twenty fifth anniversary you must have been married a very long time. At least twenty years. Precisely somewhere between twenty and thirty years. That's older than I am! Probably.
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Amazing. A-mazing.
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Mom and dad, your dedication to each other gives me the courage to let myself invest myself emotionally in women. Specific women. I'm confident that I will maintain successful relationships in all my future marriages.
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Mom and dad, you are singular to me. I email you both at the same time and when I say mom and dad I don't address each of you individually, but the two of you as an entity.
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Hello Ja ja!
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I know you wanted to have two beautiful baby daughters, but I assure you if I were born a girl I'd have had a sex change by now.
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Mom and dad, thank you for loving each other and loving me and Mike. It let us not worry about family stuff so we could develop freely into super kick ass awesome dudes like us.
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Guys, I love you.